Vampinions

Reviewing stuff so you don't have to

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

300 - 'A manly romp with only a few homo-erotic undertones.'



Pros
Brief nudity not so brief


Cons
Despite it's masculine rugged overtones this film actually makes you feel like less of a man





Full Review
These days everyone is talking about '300'. "Have you seen the trailer for 300?" "I hear 300 is over six hours long." "Do numbers really go as high as 300?" The reason is simple. Everyone is going wild for what could quite possibly be the funniest, rip-roaringest, laugh out loud comedy of the year. I loved this movie! I was rolling in the aisles. Literally. There were numerous times I was so doubled over with laughter I physically fell out of my chair and tumbled between the seats. One guy punched me in the head. Ah, but it was worth it. I hadn't had that much fun at a movie since that one time I sneaked in a five pound bag of reese's pieces I bought at the bulk barn.

This new comedy comes from the same team that brought us 'Sin City', the gritty sci-fi thriller about black and white aliens living on earth and the prejudices they must endure. In this latest epic, they take a look at the lighter side of the Spartan/Persian war of ancient Greece. A time when men fought for honour and digitally generated beasts roamed the earth. The story focuses primarily on a group of 300 Spartans with varying accents who must rally together to stop an evil horde of filthy Persians. Even more filthy than the Persians of today. And stop them they do. With hilarious results! It's absolutely refreshing to see that the treasured art of slap-stick has not been lost on the film makers of today. I also understand that this film is actually an adaptation of a graphic novel. Well, if the book is half as funny as the movie I think I may have finally found something to replace my worn out compilation copy of Gary Larson's 'Far Side' cartoons.

Another interesting aspect of the film is the stunning visual interpretation of it. Opting to limit the look of the movie to just a few basic colours. Giving an accurate portrayal of the historical atmosphere of ancient Greece when colours were scarce. Rich yellows scorch the earth. Deep blues drown the sky. Bold reds accentuate the Spartans' scrotal areas. I was in a dreamworld....and I didn't want to leave. But leave I must. And I did. Eventually. Approximately 45 minutes after the credits ended when the theater manager telephoned the police and I was escorted outside. Ah, but it was worth it.

The Bottom Line
This movie is not only a rollicking good time but is also filled with heartfelt lessons that can be attributed to many aspects of your own life. Like honour. And confronting obstacles. But not the whole walking around in red diapers thing. This is apparently frowned upon in modern society.

7 Comments:

At Mar 16, 2007, 2:00:00 PM, Blogger r a z said...

speaking of 300, have you noticed that no matter how the date went, you come home to a spotless apartment..

 
At Mar 16, 2007, 5:17:00 PM, Blogger Vamberto Mousse said...

A very interesting point Mr Raz. Albeit a somewhat confusing and unrelated one. But thank you for mentioning this rather amusing observation on life.

ksmkko$901(()-dcef 3 dj9 fcc!@(@#889ow

Sorry. My head just exploded.

 
At Mar 22, 2007, 2:31:00 PM, Blogger bajel said...

burn victim lesbians! and crab claw hands!

 
At Mar 23, 2007, 2:24:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mar 15, 9:23 AM EDT

Friend's Blog Okay...I Guess

By Yeldarb Yrret
Associated Press Writer

TORONTO (AP) -- Friends were greeted at work this morning by an unassuming email from local blogger Vamberto "Mousse" Maduro touting what appears to be another in a long list of movie reviews featuring his oft unappreciated sense of humour and talent for redundancy. Maduro's first faux review appeared on Monday May 15th, 2006 to a reception that can at best be described as indifferent, and at worst, hostile, pondering the 80's-something film "Labrynth" which, much like the blogger himself, remains dated and easily forgotten. This latest entry left friends once again cheering for Maduro however, much like an audience cheers for the the zebra chased by and evetually consumed by the much more powerful lion, the outcome never really in question.

"God bless him, he's trying.", remarked area man and friend Michael Goldfarb. "Anything that keeps Vam from (sic) in the washroom stalls here at work is a good thing, isn't it? The walls in there looked like glazed doughnuts.".

Another unidentified friend had this to say:"It's okay, I guess. You'd think that someone who doesn't understand what the word 'eccentric' means would leave well enough alone."

Maduro couldn't be reached for comment.

Yeldarb Yrret is a writer for the Associated Press and enjoys his home in Toronto, Ontario.

 
At Mar 23, 2007, 3:09:00 PM, Blogger Vamberto Mousse said...

CURSE YOU YELDARB!!!

 
At Mar 23, 2007, 7:42:00 PM, Anonymous NoMoreTennisBalls said...

Vamberto's review of 300 was as insiteful as it was long. "Pure Genious!", raves one local reader.
Vam 'Savage', as he is knownst to some (but unbeknownst to others) displays his keen wit and stunning visual accuity with masterful control. The review does fall short on a few areas, however. Just who is this stranger with mightly little fists of fury who acosted 'Savage' savagely in the theatre? Where did he come from? What is the stranger, as a person, feeling... on the inside... where he's soft... like a woman? Only 'Savage' could possibly answer these, and many other questions.

The bottom line? We may never know what really happened. And this will go down in history as one of the greatest and most disturbing questions anyone has ever dared to ask. For this, we salute 'Savage' and is large bold red accentuated scrotal area.
We salute you, Good Sir. We salute you.

 
At Mar 27, 2007, 8:15:00 PM, Blogger enb said...

I cant tell if its the tequilla or these comments that are making for so much mirth. bravo.

 

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