Harry Potter vs The X-Men - "A cinematic masterpiece of the highest order."

Pros
Pits magical children against mutants, the way God intended


Cons
Still unsure who to root for





Full Review

Very rarely are our lives graced with amazing films. Films that can only be described as an exquisite display of genius and artistry. A veritable tour de force that not only enriches our lives but entertains as well. This is such a film. Harry Potter vs The X-Men. An astounding portrayal of heroism and perseverance as the young wizards of Hogwart's face off against the sexy mutants of The X-Men. Captivating. Now I know some of you right now are thinking to yourself, "Hmm, why haven't I heard of this extraordinary milestone in film history?" Well, that is because it hasn't been made yet. Operative word being 'yet'. But I've thought long and hard about this and it is only a matter of time, a small amount of time mind you, before this amazing premise is transferred to the silver screen. Forever capturing itself in our imagination and our hearts.

The story is quite simple. Harry Potter and his band of plucky wizards and witches do battle against the ferocious Wolverine and his team of mutated super beings. Firing their wands desperately into the air as they fend off lasers, claws and other various powers of the uncanny X-Men. But don't get this movie wrong. It's not just about the fighting. There are lessons to be learned as well. And our heroes learn them in spades. Perhaps at one point Ice Man will find himself dealing with the agony of loss as he watches his best friend Fire Man be disintegrated by the wizard's dark powers. Meanwhile Harry Potter and his adolescent colleagues may have to come to terms with their awkward passage into maturity as they are persistently struck down by lightning and powerful men made of metal. Oh, and there could be a love story too! Probably that one Harry Potter girl could fall in love with Gambit and he can fall in love with her even though it could never work out seeing as they are on opposing sides of a battle that is currently happening all around them. Now that's just good writing.

So in conclusion, I think it's safe to say that despite this film's current lack of existence it will undoubtedly be accepted as one of the instant classics of this or any other generation upon it's inevitable release. Ranking itself right up there with other cinematic treasures like The Godfather, Apocalypse Now and Indiana Jones in the Land of Shrek. For now, I sit in quiet enthusiasm comforted in the knowledge that a work of such emotional breakthrough will soon be upon us. Any year now. Yup. They're probably scoring the music this very moment. Listen. If you strain hard enough you can almost make out it's sweet melody.

The Bottom Line

I would wholeheartedly recommend this movie to any fans of great cinema. I would also recommend it to people who don't really like movies at all. It's a perfect family film that children and teens alike will enjoy while at the same time be adored by seniors everywhere. Hell, fuckin dogs and cats will love this movie.